LOVE2002

I literally made a wordpress to write this and process this weird complex grief to ppl who might get it.

The death of Liam Payne feels like our generation’s reality check. A man who was part of a whimsical thing- a boy band that brought us joy- has died at 31, and we are left to cope with two things: 1) our first Gen-Z-exclusive celebrity death and 2) the cold hard truth leaking into what was once a happy, comfortable space for our childhoods.

Fame is a tragic phenomemon. It’s a matter of “what if I did” and “what if I didn’t”s. The same thing that leads people to immense wealth, success, and prosperity will, when mishandled, lead to dark outcomes. When I consider Payne’s rise to fame, I think about unique risk factors. He, unlike child stars, came from a humble household that did not deal with a culture of fame (unlike child stars whose parents create a culture of fame since birth i.e. MJ, Jojo Siwa). He, like the rest of One Direction, was a unique case, rising to stardom at the fragile teen age. Such a dramatic shift at such a fragile age is exciting and precarious. I imagine it involves being surrounded by adults who care about you, sure… but money is the bottom line. For Liam, it probably involved getting close to his band-mates, having huge expectations for the future, and then, after it all ended, feeling alone and having his expectations totally smashed, as his solo career did not launch the same way, i.e. Harry’s did. With that being said, it becomes presumable that those traumas and warped sense of reality likely led to the mental downfall and allegations that predated Liam’s death, leaving us to grapple with the nuances of someone’s controversial, beloved, nostalgic, and possibly harmful life mural. 

I blame the system of fame just as much as I would blame Liam. Grief is… difficult. I can’t imagine how hard this is for Liam’s family, friends, colleagues, and all those who knew him personally. I imagine it very complex and hard to deal with this event alongside the international outpouring of love and opinions. I imagine it was also very complex and hard to deal with the international outpouring of hate and criticisms that occurred directly before his death. 

But I am only speaking for myself- as someone who publicly enjoyed One Direction for years. I remember watching Nickelodeon and seeing their little music video commercials and counting down the days until they would perform at the KCAs (the Kids Choice Awards). I remember the one commercial when they played ping-pong. I remember when I was 10-12, watching their documentary at an Orlando hotel with cup ramen, my parents, and my 16 year old cousin from LA. Then I went to middle school and, as I grappled with the pressures of…a lot of things.. I started to pull away and recede into a “not like other girls” role while secretly admiring my peers who would openly cry at Zayn’s departure and hope for a reunion. When something gives you community and enjoyment at such a young age, it becomes a defining truth of your youngness. 

So, when someone who was a part of something whimsical and happy and fun, suddenly dies… When someone who we recently criticized, picked apart, and turned into a meme, dies… it reminds us of reality. “We were supposed to lose him when we were old” speaks a lot on our generation’s delusion. Since when does the world work like that? And worse, since when did the world not provide consequences for actions? It’s a damn gritty place sometimes, and starting now, our sanitized childhood fantasy lands aren’t protected from that reality. From now on, my One Direction music marathons will partly be defined by the disbelief and guilt about someone who moved on from us. 

Yes, I say guilt. I say guilt, not because I cyberbullied Liam or publicly criticized him. I say guilt because if fame led him to his potential crimes and then death, then aren’t we, his fans, partially guilty for feeding that fame? Feeding into that weird combination of reality and mirage? Finding solace in spheres of reality and fiction that are impossible to unravel? Well… did we have much of a choice? We were kids, we didn’t know better than to take was was fed to us… 

This is the first death that Gen Z (mostly) is dealing with alone. The news reporters will report on it, but they’re not gonna be sharing in our sadness the way that they did with older figures, like Whitney Houston or Kobe Bryant. It’s the first celebrity death, for me at least, where I can’t look to my parents for understanding or shared feelings Some of us are reconnecting with old friends, some of us bringing it up in class, or posting about it online (like me rn!) It feels as significant as the death of Princess Diana, but without the awareness of an older generation to hold our hand and guide us through. We’ve outgrown the kitchen growth chart. The death of Liam Payne is the marker dotting our coming of age.

Love2002

idk how to blog and im on a budget which is why im stuck using this f ahh brat theme but if u want a notification when my next article comes out (idk why u would) just email dearmisslove@gmail.com and ill send it to u. or if you just wanna talk about this bc i dont have anyone else to talk to about it